I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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