Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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