Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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