he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
