he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
