I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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