This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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