There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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