I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
