it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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