I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
