i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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