i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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