Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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