we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
In America we eat man semen.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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