Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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