I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
