Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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