I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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