I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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