Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
