when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
