I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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