My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
