What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
