you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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