At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
