people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
