Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
