drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
