craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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