I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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