Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Someone came in the potted fern
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
