evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
