Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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