Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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