i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dicks are not precious.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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