so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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