Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
