Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
