I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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