The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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