that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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