So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
