strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
