I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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