I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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