I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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