yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
