i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
