I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
where am i from again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
