I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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