And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
