I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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