So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
