I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
