What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
