she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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