Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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