i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
