I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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