I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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