If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
